- What you say (15%)
- How you say it (85%)
Rules for being a good listener:
- Listen as if you were in the other person's place. This will help you better understand what the person is saying and how he/she feels.
- Show you understand and care with verbal and nonverbal behavior.
- Tone of voice
- Facial Expressions
- Gestures
- Eye Contact
- Posture
- Restate the person's most important thoughts and feelings.
- Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not begin to talk about problems you have or bring up similar experiences of your own.
Non-Verbal Listening Skills: ROLES
- R stands for "Ready" and "Relaxed". Good listeners clear their mind of almost everything except what the speaker is saying.
- O stands for "Open". An open stance means looking like you are open to hearing what is said.
- L stands for "Lean Forward". To show your interest in what another person is saying lean forward a little because it shows that you care.
- E stands for "Eye Contact". Eye contact shows a person that he or she is important.
- S stands for "Square". When sitting or standing to a person speaking with you, keep your shoulders and the rest of your body squarely facing the speaker.
Active Listening Techniques:
|
STATEMENT
TYPES
|
PURPOSE
|
TO DO THIS
|
EXAMPLES
|
|
Encouraging
|
To convey interest
To encourage the other person to keep talking.
|
-Don’t agree or
disagree.
-Use Neutral
words.
-Use varying
voice intonations
-
|
“Can you tell me more?”
“I wonder if…”
“Please continue…”
|
|
Clarifying
|
To help you clarify what is said.
To get more information.
To help speaker see other points of view.
|
-Ask questions
-Restate wrong
interpretation to encourage speaker to explain further.
-
|
“When did this happen?”
“What I hear you saying…”
“What did the other person say?”
|
|
STATEMENT TYPE
|
PURPOSE
|
TO DO THIS
|
EXAMPLES
|
|
Restating
|
Shows you are listening and understanding.
To check your meaning and interpretation
|
- Restate basic ideas, facts.
|
“So, you would like your parents to trust you more, Is
that right?”
“Could this be what’s going on, you…”
|
|
Reflecting
|
To show that you understand how the person feels.
To help the person evaluate his/her own feelings after
hearing them expressed by someone else.
|
- Reflect the speaker’s basic feelings.
|
“You seem very upset.”
“Perhaps you’re feeling sad.”
“You sound angry.”
|
|
Summarizing
|
Reviews Progress
Pull together important ideas and facts
To establish a basis for further discussion.
|
- Restate major ideas expressed including feelings
|
“Let me see if I understand you…”
“These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…”
|
